


Powers of Seductment

by kathkin



Category: Merlin (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 22:19:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathkin/pseuds/kathkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin attempts to seduce Arthur, but he's not very good at it and Arthur is as oblivious as ever. Hijinks ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Powers of Seductment

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted as comment fic on the Team Pride comm during [](http://summerpornathon.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://summerpornathon.livejournal.com/)**summerpornathon**  '09 for the prompt _'this is a very oddly-shaped duck_ '. Due to various intervening factors, I never did finish it. Title is a reference to an RL injoke but I think it's funny on its own. :3

The first time Merlin attempted to seduce Arthur was a sunny day in May (which was the best month to seduce people in by far), when they'd gone out hunting, only to discover that just about every animal in the forest had been called away to some kind of game-animal-convention-thing. All they managed to find were two skinny-looking rabbits (which ran away the moment Arthur took aim) and a squirrel, which sat and stared at them for quite a while (Arthur, despite his protests and denial, was clearly tempted to shoot it, just so as not to go home empty handed – Merlin saw his finger twitch on the trigger of his crossbow and everything).

The result of this was that, by midday, they had both collapsed down by the river, and were now eating the food that Merlin had thoughtfully packed for lunch, and blaming each other for all their woes.

“If you hadn't stood on that twig,” Arthur said. “I'd have got that first rabbit. You know I would have.”

Merlin supposed that this may be true, but refrained from saying so out loud. “You wouldn't have wanted it anyway,” he said. “There was no meat on it.”

“Like you, then,” said Arthur, flinging an apple core away into the bushes.

“Yes, but nobody's trying to _eat_ me,” said Merlin. “And anyway. Some people like skinny people.”

“Oh do they?” said Arthur. “That's nice for some people.”

“But some people don't,” Merlin went on. “Some people prefer muscles.”

“Most people,” corrected Arthur.

“Yes, okay,” said Merlin. “Most people like muscles. And blond hair,” he added hopefully.

“Again,” said Arthur. “Most people do, I think.”

“Of course,” said Merlin. “Yeah. Most people like muscly blonds. But, y'know,” he said. “Some people also find prattishness quite attractive.”

“Oh, do they?” said Arthur. “Interesting.” He turned his attention to the rippling waters of the river, and watched them ripple prettily.

“Especially in Royalty,” said Merlin. “And especially if they tend to wear armour a lot. And look great in it.” He shuffled forward slightly.

“Well, everyone finds Royalty attractive,” said Arthur. He frowned. Merlin was sitting close enough for it to be making him uncomfortable. He fixed his attention on a spot just above Merlin's left shoulder.

“Well, yes,” said Merlin. “But some people only do if it's someone called Ar –”

“I say, Merlin,” said Arthur, nonchalant. “That is a very oddly-shaped duck, wouldn't you say?”

Merlin sighed, and glanced behind him. It was indeed very oddly-shaped. He thought it might be a deformed duck. And deformed ducks were nothing if not a mood killer. “Yes, sire,” he said. “It is.”

“Well,” said Arthur, getting to his feet. “Let's get back to hunting. Those deer aren't going to kill themselves!”

“Yeah, yeah,” said Merlin as Arthur marched away. “You're not going to kill them either, at this rate –”

The first time he tried to seduce Arthur was not a success.

The second time was little better. And the third time was downright embarrassing (he had vowed never to speak of it to anyone). Either Arthur just wasn't into him, or he was completely and utterly oblivious. Either way, it was getting annoying.

So for the fourth time, Merlin decided on a more direct route. This involved arriving in Arthur's room shortly before he was due to leave a feast, removing his clothes, and getting into Arthur's bed.

Unfortunately he had, as he tended to do, forgotten to put in the warming pans. And Arthur's sheets had a tendency to be as cold as if they'd been stored on ice all year round, however warm it was outside.

He leapt out of the bed again with a little yelp, and stood shivering naked in the middle of the floor, wondering whether he should brave the icy wilderness of the sheets again, or put on his clothes and pretend this had never happened.

But then Arthur arrived back early.

“Good God, Merlin, what on earth are you _doing_?” he said, one hand still on the door handle. “Put your clothes back on at once!”

“Uh... no,” said Merlin. “No, Arthur, I will not. And as a matter of fact, I think _you_ should take your clothes off too.”

“Why would I want to do that?” said Arthur with a little shrug.

“So we can... y'know,” said Merlin. Arthur repeated his shrug, clearly but non-verbally stating that he did not, in fact, know. “You know!”

Arthur shut the door firmly behind him. “Sometimes I think you're not quite right in the head,” he said. “Now put your clothes on.”

“No,” said Merlin. He walked over, sat down on the bed, and patted the covers next to him.

“Merlin, what are you doing?” said Arthur. He surveyed the bed. “And did you forget the warming pans again?”

“Well... yes, but that's irrelevant,” said Merlin. “We can warm the sheets up without them.” Arthur stared at him in confusion. “As in, we could have sex.”

“Oh,” said Arthur. “That's what you meant? You shouldn't be so vague.” He thought for a moment. “Were you just trying to seduce me? Because you really need to work on your style.”

Merlin patted the covers next to him again. Arthur shook his head.

“No,” he said. “You’re rubbish at this.”

“Oh, come on,” said Merlin. “I’m not that bad! It’s always worked fine before.”

“Well, _obviously_ no-one you’ve been trying to bed knows anything about seduction,” said Arthur. “Alright, stand up.”

“What?” said Merlin.

“Stand up,” Arthur repeated. “I’m going to show you how it’s done. Come on, up!” He took Merlin by the arm and dragged him off the bed, bare feet skidding on the floor. “Now. Observe.”

“Um?” said Merlin, not sure what to make of the direction his evening was going in. Then Arthur’s gaze suddenly came over all intense.

“Your eyes,” he said, “are like chips of sapphire, and they shine like stars. Your skin is as fine as porcelain.” He took Merlin’s face in his hands. “Your lips…” he paused, quite possibly running out of ideas, though Merlin was polite enough not to say anything. “You have the most beautiful lips I’ve ever seen. I yearn to kiss you. May I kiss you, my sweet?”

“I’m really not sure whether or not you’re joking,” said Merlin. He was still very much naked and it was starting to get awkward.

“Oh, hell with it,” said Arthur, and kissed him without asking for permission, so suddenly that Merlin made an _mmf_ sound and flailed a little before Arthur took hold of him and held him still, then slipped a hand round the back of his neck and deepened the kiss, all hot and gentle, and Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur’s waist because they were just sort of dangling uselessly, and let Arthur kiss him, because Arthur was a bloody _excellent_ kisser.

“I’m going to ravage you now,” said Arthur when he pulled back, out of breath.

“Oh, I’ll ravage you right back, _my sweet_ ,” said Merlin, and burst into quiet, hiccupping laughter. Arthur smacked him on the arse.

“Shut up, seduction is serious business,” he said. “Now, put your clothes back on and go fetch the warming pans, I’m not bedding you on cold sheets.”

“Wow, that’s romantic. And you said I was rubbish.” Merlin rolled his eyes.

“Look, do you want to shag or not?” said Arthur.

Merlin sighed and disentangled himself. “You’re ridiculous,” he said. “Whatever you say, _my lord_.”

He put his clothes back on, which seemed a little pointless as Arthur stripped them all off again in an awful hurry half an hour later, once the sheets were warming. After that, things were a little awkward, because Arthur was set on doing all the ravaging himself, whereas Merlin took a more egalitarian approach, but they got a rhythm figured out eventually.

By the time they were finished, the sheets were all hot and sweaty and tangled around them, and Merlin said, “See, told you we didn’t need the warming pans,” and Arthur muttered something back and punched him on the shoulder, then kissed him softly.

“This will have to be a regular part of your duties now, of course,” he said after a moment. “Now that I have you better-educated.”

“No,” said Merlin, snuggling down against the pillows. “Not unless you seduce me _properly_ every time. I shall expect poetry and possibly flowers.”

“You’re such a girl,” said Arthur. “Besides, I’ve already ravaged you, that means I get to bed you whenever I want, don’t you know how this works?”

“Whatever,” said Merlin. “Poetry or I’m not putting out.”

“Fine,” Arthur snapped.

“Fine!” said Merlin.

“Fancy another round?” said Arthur.

Merlin considered this. “Why not?”

All in all, he reckoned his fourth attempt at seducing Arthur counted as a success, though, though Arthur insisted he’d done most of the work, _of course_.

After that, things remained more or less the same, except Arthur spent quite a lot of time attempting to write poetry, all of which was terrible, and for all Merlin laughed at it, he kept every little scrap of parchment safe in his room, under his pillow, though he’d never admit it, of course.


End file.
